Dear departed

Well, the hair is (mostly) gone!  It had started to come out in larger clumps late last week and I was shedding like crazy through the weekend, so I made the decision to shear it off.  Maggie had a blast experimenting with scissors and clippers.  No doubt, it’s a bit of a shock (especially seeing a feminized version of my dad stare back at me in the mirror…and further proof that I got the threehead shaft when it comes to the Newman fivehead that everyone else in the family was blessed with!), but it felt good to take control of the situation and just be done-zo.  Drastically reduced showering time and saving on shampoo and conditioner are additional perks!






Kevin gets the ratbraid he always wanted…














More side effects from the chemo are starting to creep in…  The insomnia is still an issue, though improved somewhat through drugs (don’t get a full night’s sleep, and end up groggy for a few hours after I wake up, but at least it’s something) and the days I don’t take steroids means 5-6 hours of ‘natural’ sleep, which is better quality.  Migraines of varying intensity come and go throughout the day, my taste for certain things is in flux (vinegar, chocolate, beer glorious beer – all favorites and all hit or miss…I still have coffee, though!), there is some tingling/numbness in my hands, and I’m experiencing some general muscle weakness.  I don’t know if the increased farting and belching is due to the chemo, or not, but if I’ve got the scapegoat I’ll use it…  The moodiness and emotional yo-yoing is probably the crappiest part right now.  I think it has a lot to do with not getting enough sleep and feeling off-kilter in general, plus feeling craaaaazy with the move, but the last few days have been a roller coaster of feels.  I just want to be able to step outside this cancer poopfest for a day to take a break and then come back swinging again.  Alas, no can do 😦  I think getting settled in the new place with more stability and routine will go a long way in leveling out the emotions…  It’s close!!!

This week in treatment:  Tuesday meeting with medical oncologist to discuss where we are headed given where we are.  We *should* have a pretty good idea by now of whether or not I’m on the carboplatin based on a reduction in blood counts, but mine were still normal after the first two treatments, so we’ll see what happens this week.  Wednesday is port placement (finally!!!) followed by the 4th dose of chemo.  This time it will be paclitaxel and carboplatin or placebo (same cocktail as the first round…the two treatments in between were paclitaxel only).  It’ll be a long day and the pokes plentiful.


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3 Responses to Dear departed

  1. Angie D says:

    What if cancer treatment is like how some people describe some drugs – it accentuates your personality? You’re a half-bald, half crazy, head pounding, burping, farting, sleep deprived, emotional mess? I tease you of course…mostly because my tangled mop is in a greasy bun on top of my head at this very moment while you still look fantastic with nubs. I hate you. I love you.

    Oddly as I read the honesty you so graciously share with us all in your blog posts, I find myself deep in the recesses of my cobweb brain. I see myself leaving a fair share of establishments in various states of soberness/drunkenness (depending if you’re a half-empty/half-full kinda gal) and wanting distinctly and immediately to crawl into bed, throw the covers over my head, and swear to never do such foolishness again. I see you with me telling me firmly to take a lap. No matter the hour, no matter our states, a lap around the building was mandatory – as were washing our face and brushing our teeth, but mostly I hated you for the lap. You said it helped clear our heads, wear off some of the alcohol poisoning, and stop the world from spinning. I hated you. I loved you.

    I will confess some nearly 20 years later (my gawd we’re old), I still take a lap. In some of those laps the Earth is spinning wildly outside of my body and head and some laps it’s spinning wildly inside of my head. In all the bursts of chaos you’re trying to navigate through, please don’t forget to take a lap (and if you cropdust, that’s your business). Whatever your lap looks like – deep meditation, a long hot bath, a literal lap around the track – when things start spinning, it’s mandatory. I love you.



  2. Brooke says:

    Despite everything, you look great and your attitude rocks! You are still in my thoughts sending love and light everyday…💖😉


  3. Tim Newman says:

    Lookin’ good, Urchin! Love your attitude. Love you.


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